Archive for February, 2006
Stalker.net
Posted by dandriffill in Posts on February 27, 2006
Well it seems as if Facebook can do no wrong, it gets complicated. First of all, it is undoubtedly a stalker’s paradise. While I advocate for Facebook vs MySpace, it is due to a person needing a legitimate college email address to register a profile. Unfortunately it is certainly easy to get around this technicality, which doesn’t bother me, if you can figure out how to get a Facebook account without a college email, you’re intellectually comparable if not superior to anyone in college. The danger within Facebook isn’t 33 year old men gawking at 13 year old girls (cough) MYSPACE (cough), it is arguably more a potent and defined threat. From Facebook, one can access the dorm, graduating class, roommate, friends, academic major, clubs, screenname, email address, phone number, etc etc. In an enclosed college campus setting, this could certainly be a recipe for disaster. So here are a few of my own basic rules to keep in mind:
1) You must have a picture of yourself.
Absolutely mandatory, no one appreciates that fucking question mark, so don’t do it. If you make the plunge to join the darkside of the virtual social scene, you must slap a digicam shot of your cute face up there.
2) Don’t use a picture that you took of yourself (College Only)
There are enough pictures taken of you to pick something suitable, I don’t want to see your arms extended on the sides of your picture.
3) Have a Shirt On (Dudes Only)
Nothing epitomizes the D-Bag greater than a shirtless Facebook picture.
4) Don’t Put Up a Picture of you Drinking
If it is a really great picture, it is permissable. But nothing with you needlessly holding alcohol in the very foreground. We get it, you’re in college, but we all drink. I’m drunk right now writing this.
5) It is Acceptable to Have Fantasy Friends
Jesus Christ, Peter Griffin, Santa Claus, David Hasselhoff, Jenna Jameson, and Eric Cartman are great Facebook friends.
6) Don’t Facebook Random People
Otherwise the next four years of encounters are going to be as awkward as your reaction to your Grandmother’s Birthday gift.
7) Magazines Are Not Books
No more “Cosmo” or “Maxim” as a favorite book. It is also not permissable to say, “I don’t fucking read BROOOOO!”
8) Limit The Unmercifully Awful Quotes
I don’t care if you dance with the stars or how many times you watched The Notebook. This isn’t 8th Grade anymore, search for some solid material. Using the drunken ramblings of friends here is usually a quality option.
9) Group Selection Means A Lot
Only join groups in which you like, not just because you were invited. You can tell a lot about a person by their Facebook groups…seriously.
10) Poking
If you are straight, it is not acceptable to poke someone of the same sex. It’s like a two-man skeleton race or Man-Man figure skating team, it just doesn’t happen. And if you get poked, poke back, let’s practice some mannerly etiquette here.
11) Marriage
You are not married…unless you are.
12) Don’t Deny Requests
It is just mean-spirited and wrong. Besides, you weren’t the one who got drunk and facebooked everyone they recognized…..awkward.
13) Wall
Update your wall every semester by cleaning it out, no one appreciates a 314 post wall. And never write on your own wall…ever.
14) Looking For….
In general these should be left alone, nothing positive really comes from them.
15) Personal Information
Don’t put up your cell phone under any circumstances. Screenname is permissable with exercised caution, and your exact room number probably isn’t a good idea.
