"Why are you always telling me to go f@#* a goat, man?"

A quarter of a way through the season already. I have 12 teams out of contention…leaving 20 teams playing for 12 playoffs spots.

Best 4-0 team: New York Giants

Best 3-1 team: New England Patriots

Best 2-2 team: Green Bay Packers

Best 1-3 team: THE BUFFALO BILLS!

Best 0-4 team: Tennessee Titans

1st Quarter MVP: Peyton Manning

1st Quarter Rookie: Mark Sanchez (Michael Oher deserves praise)

1st Quarter Coach: Josh McDaniels (Sorry Singletary)

Last week: 5 – 9 (Yikes)

Season total: 34 – 28

Sports Meister: 34 – 26 (Your site is fugly & you’re 2 games off…nice)

Sports Guy: 39 – 23

PICKS!

Bills (-6) over Browns

When is the last time a 1-3 team coming off a 28 point loss has been a 6 point favorite the next week? The Bills make up records to break. I think about 40% of Bills fans want to lose this game to be a final exclamation point that Dick Jauron should be fired. I agree that he needs to go, but it is only week 5. At this point last year, Bills fans had Super Bowl aspirations. We’re only a quarter of the way through, I think we can still turn it around. Or we might really suck as a team but can at least beat Tampa and Cleveland, IMHO the worst two teams in the league. Interesting point of note here, Ralph Wilson will be honored at halftime for his Hall of Fame induction and if the Bills are losing at halftime, could he possibly get booed? Seriously, after a morning of Blue’s and a first half of possible frustration, it may happen. If you’re going to the game, don’t you dare be one of those people. Mr. Wilson’s commitment to Buffalo football overrides our recent frustrations (and his senility).

Lions (+11) over Steelers

Upset special? Maybe. I like Detroit’s young offense and they may be able to keep it close at home this week. Probably not.

Chiefs (+9) over Cowboys

Another scene where I think the home underdog could surprise a team that is overlooking them. Not to win, but to cover. The Chiefs offense has to get going at some point right? RIGHT??

Vikings (-11) over Rams

Remember when I said Tampa and Cleveland were the two worst teams in the league? Let’s replace the Browns with the Rams there. Which probably means the Bills will lose. Bobby April in the interim and Jon Gruden next year. Done and done.

Raiders (+16) over Giants

Why not right? Manning is  little banged up and the Raiders defense isn’t the worst. I’m just going to pick anyone this week getting more than 10 points. (Ed. note- Please don’t bet based on Dan’s idiotic picks)

Eagles (-16) over Buccaneers

Yeah, scratch that theory. Side note, for whatever reason I benched Desean Jackson in fantasy in favor of Lee Evans (I know, I know) when he went off earlier this year. Now that he is back in my lineup, I can almost guarantee he gets about 30 yards on 2 catches while Lee has a 75 yard touchdown. Ok I convinced myself, Evans again it is!

Panthers (-5) over Redskins

I think it is time for Carolina to put a decent game together. Too much firepower on offense to be this bad for this long. Washington is the most unhappy 2-2 team I’ve ever seen.

Ravens (-8.5) over Bengals

Really struggled with this choice (meaning I spent more than 10 seconds thinking about it). Cincinatti has been tough in every single game and the Ravens aren’t exactly an offensive juggernaut. I just think that Ravens defense will slow Carson and Ochocinco down this week. 85 has promised a “Ricky Bobby” celebration if he scores a touchdown. Yes, I’m interested and yes, I hope it happens.

Falcons (+3) over 49ers

Coming off a bye week, look for Atlanta to surprise the upstart 49ers with a nice little smack back to reality. Oh, there goes Rabbit, oh…nevermind.

Jaguars (+2) over Seattle

Weird line. Too weird. Let’s just move on.

Cardinals (-5.5) over Texans

This is the week Arizona finally looks like the team that went to the Super Bowl last year. A nice bounce back at home versus a hard to figure Houston team will put them back on the NFL map.

Patriots (-3) over Broncos.

I am just done picking against New England. Just done with it. Coach William insists Josh McD is smarter than him. I’ve read The Art of War Bill, don’t bullshit a bullshitter.

Colts (-5) over Titans

Tennessee is bound to play well sooner or later right? I mean, 0-4, really? At what point do they let Vince Young do his thing to see if he can be their future QB? Is there any pressure on Jeff Fisher or is he just too trusted to feel the hot seat? Weird situation.

Jets (-2.5) over Dolphins

The Jets are for real and Miami is not. Enjoy your football and your Autumn week.